Half Becomes Whole

Being in China, as I'm sure you all have determined by now, has been a wonderful experience for me. I have learned so much from these people who live without guile or malice. They love with a genuinity that I believe is hard to find, and my life has been indescribably blessed by their presence. Up until today I think I could look at my experience here, and not feel as though anything were lacking; however, this afternoon I was beautifully humbled when, for the first time in nearly three months, I was able to partake of the sacrament again. We only have one priesthood holder in our area; therefore, up until this point, having the sacrament has been impossible. However, earlier this week one of our teachers, Neil, was given permission by the Shenzhen branch president to perform the ordinance alone. I cannot describe what it meant to all twenty of us crammed into that small apartment dorm, watching him prepare the sacrament on that small, sheet-covered suitcase. Our circumstances were humble, but our hearts were more prepared and more eager than they could have been even in the tabernacle.

     When I came to China I knew that I would have the limited opportunity of having the sacrament, and yet, I arrogantly assumed that as long as I kept reading my scriptures and praying, that I would not be too greatly affected. If it weren't for today's experience, I suppose I would probably continue to believe that, but by having the sacrament this afternoon, and taking the time to focus solely on the covenants I have made with my Father and Savior, it has been easy to feel that there has been a gap in my life. Since I have been here, things have slowly shifted priority, and I recognize now what a significant blessing the sacramanet truly is to us. It is not just a reminder of a commitment made in the past, it is a renewal of that commitment and covenant. Although I have often reminded myself of the covenants I have made, there is a significance in the power of the sacrament, and it's symbolism that allows us to more easily act on those covenants and create a new starting point on our long journey. Though I would never wish not having the sacrament on anyone, I am grateful that this experience enabled me to more fully understand the significance of what this ordinance brings to my life. Sadly, it is by having it not in my life, that I am able to come to fully understand why I desperately need and want it there. I cannot write the thoughts and feelings within me; they are more of impressions than concrete ideas but I know them to be true. Today, as we sat in that humble room, and sang hymn after hymn, I could feel the tender eagerness within each of us as we patiently waited to renew our covenants. The spirit filled my soul, and I literally felt clean. It was cleanliness free from worry, stress, guile, anxiety, or perverseness, and it just felt like peace. Perfect peace. I can equate it to the feelings I had at the Hong Kong temple. In the few hundred times I have partaken of the sacrament, it has been sad for me to realize how few of those times I have felt this calming spirit which is promised to me each and every time. It is meant to be a literal renewal, and it can feel like one every time if we are prepared for it.

   I await the day when this gospel is brought to this nation. The people are so prepared for it. They live it - even more than many who are a part of it, and I know that given the opportunity they will accept it. They are an amazing people.

 

As now we take the sacrament,
Our thoughts are turned to thee,
Thou Son of God, who lived for us,
Then died on Calvary.
We contemplate thy lasting grace,
Thy boundless charity;
To us the gift of life was giv'n
For all eternity.

As now our minds review the past,
We know we must repent;
The way to thee is righteousness—
The way thy life was spent.
Forgiveness is a gift from thee
We seek with pure intent.
With hands now pledged to do thy work,
We take the sacrament.

 As now we praise thy name with song,
The blessings of this day
Will linger in our thankful hearts,
And silently we pray
For courage to accept thy will,
To listen and obey.
We love thee, Lord; our hearts are full.
We'll walk thy chosen way.

Shanghai Meets the Robinsons

      After a week of not so good classes complete with children eating spilled rice on the floor, and overcautious parents watching our lessons on camera, Friday was definitely a highlight; the lessons went flawlessly, and we had so much fun doing obstacle courses and blowing head sized bubbles. It was the perfect way to end a bad week and begin a great weekend. Once classes were over, the excitement and anxiety was almost tangible as Jackie, Kalie, and I hurridly got our final things ready for Shanghai. We printed off the itineraries, wrote down all the emergency contacts, finally persuaded someone to let us borrow their phone, and stole a whole bag of Michael's ever delicious bean bread. We had gone over and over our plans, but I was still uneasy knowing that I was the one incharge. If anything went wrong, I had planned it, and I would be responsible. I was largely relieved of most of my fears because we were able to procure a phone last minute, but I also knew that we were going to somewhere that was unfamiliar to anyone whose number I had. If we ran into trouble there really wasn't anyone who'd be able to do much about it.

       Anyway, as we walked out the door with Candice, our Kung Fu instructor, Spring, told us in broken English how much he would miss us in class, and how we needed to practice while we were gone. We laughed and told him not to let up on the other girls either and to make them as sore as possible to which he wryly responded "no problem." I love Spring. He's just so cute with his 15 or so English word vocabulary. With Spring's goodbye, we were out the door and the excitement finally took over. Candice hailed us a cab, we went to the bus station, caught a two hour bus to Guangzhou, and suprisingly without any hitches we easily found the train station to take us to Shanghai. We were the only three white people in the terminal, and every move we made was followed by dozens of eyes. Some people tried to sneak pictures, others were more obvious, and we even had one guy that recorded us with his video camera for a little over a half an hour. The place was packed so it felt a little like being a celebrity, but it was funny because after three months here I think we must have gotten used to it. After walking around a while, we concientiously noted how unaffected by the photos and stares we were.  Anyway, we found the right train and the right car easily enough, but when we saw our beds we were a little overwhelmed because they weren't just bunk beds; they were triple bunks, and we were on the very top so we had to awkwardly climb over a bunch of people as they laughed at our sad attempt to get up. The ride was good; we ate cereal and bread, and we slept a lot too. The toilets were nasty, and the beds pretty much ruin your back since there is not enough room to ever actually sit in the upright position, but honestly, considering it lasted 17hours, the trip wasn't too bad. By Saturday morning, around 10:30-11:00, we got into Shanghai and were picked up by Chris to go to a four star hotel room that he'd reserved for us. I admit, we were super spoiled on this trip. It was awesome.

           Once we got into the hotel room, we all got cleaned up while Chris turned on the tv to watch CNN. To all of our suprise the screen was filled with the mass destruction pouring over Japan, and it really hit home. We were so close, and most of us knew people living there. The tsunami from a few years ago was definitely sad, but it didn't affect me the way that this did. It was strange and devastating. We were so glad to hear that there were Chinese volunteers going overseas to help. It will be things like this that heal ancient wounds caused by war. It is amazing how many people still despise the Japanese for the cruelty with which they tormented this country. There are too many children here who still claim that they want to grow up to "kill some Japs," and I just hope that this disaster will continue tp invite a spirit of sympathy and forgiveness.

          Not only do we feel the affects of the tsunami second hand, but it is also present here in a very first hand way. There is now no more salt in our stores because people have bought it all out in fear that there will soon be a shortage due to the possible radioactive exposure to the Japanese salt mines. It's been so interesting to have been part - even in a small way - of the troubles I have merely heard of. It was a stark contrast to the way I spent the rest of the weekend. Rather than constantly focusing on the problems across the sea, we were treated to the high life of Shanghai. Not only did Chris get us an amazing hotel, but he also got us fantastic meals all weekend. We ate everything from Jellyfish and Squid to Cincinnati Chili and Dairy Queen. It was so great to finally feel full again. When we went out to lunch with his mother and stepbrother, I was amazed at how much food we were given...it seemed to NEVER stop coming, but it was extremely delicious...I particularly loved the bacon wrapped crab with curry sauce on garlic bread - SO good. My only regret is that I wish I would have taken more pictures of it all, but Chris' mom is super intimidating so I tried to lay low a little and put on my best manners instead. :) The rest of the weekend we spent going to ritzy and strange clubs, the Usher concert, and  looking at these surreal buildings that look like they shouldn't be built for another 50 years due to their futuristic nature. I have fallen in love with Shanghai. It is unlike any city I have ever seen, and the Hyatt hotels are indescribable. There are no two buildings in America that come close in comparison; they just make me wish I could see the monster that just got built in Dubai. When I go back to Cincinnati it will be pretty interesting to see that small skyline knowing how shocked I will be when the PNC tower is only as tall as my apartment building.

     Well, Shanghai was seriously wonderful. I loved being there, and it was great to have a little weekend get away to hang out with Chris again, but with that being said, of course there were troubles to be had too. The first thing was Kalie falling off Chris' moped, then I broke the bike that I borrowed from his roommate, after that I also accidentally broke Jackie's purse, my mirror, and my camera. On our way home we also had a bit of trouble with our flight. After we got on the plane, something must have gone wrong because we were stuck on the tarmac for nearly two hours. Normally, that isn't too big of a deal, but considering we were paying a driver to pick us up from the airport and drive us two hours back to our home, it was literally adding up pretty fast. Thankfully, we were able to call our coordinator and she was able to tell the driver that our flight was delayed, so at least he didn't leave us, but by the time our flight got in, we got our bags, and we were waiting outside, it was pretty late. We were exhausted and had had very little sleep, so it was such a relief to see this smiling Chinese man holding a sign with our names written on it upside down. It brought a smile to my face and it was the break in tension that I needed after a long batch of bad luck.

     Since Shanghai, I still have not slept much. I dont even remember why I stayed up Monday , but Tuesday we went out for dinner with one of the childrens' parents, and we were out pretty late. The meal was crazy - pidgeon, fish brains, soft shell turtle soup, giant shrimp in horseraddish sauce, fish eyeballs, and a lot of political discussion about communism...an interesting night for sure. Then Wednesday we had a big Bachelor finale party, and though it was hilariously stupid, it kept us up all night. Thursday was St. Patrick's day so naturally we hit up the nearby O'Hagans and then we went to watch Ben play in his Philipino cover band at Peter's German bar - another late night, but another good one too. I love living here. I don't know why it feels so different from America. Maybe it's the openness of the people or maybe it's just the atmosphere, but there is something so loving and fun about this place. While I was teaching today I got very pensive as I realized that I am going to have to leave. I have to leave these amazing people and this amazing culture. I love the Chinese..in so many ways I wish I were one. The worst part though is thinking about leaving these kids. The longer I am here the more attatched I get. Yiannis has taken the "favorite" spot by far and I can't describe how much I love this kid. He makes me smile so much every day, and I will miss having his little hand always wrapped around my fingers, or his arms clung to my legs. I love him. Yiannis isn't the only one though...there's Danson and Alyson...Caleb and Nobu....Andrew, Bryce, Lulu, and Karen. You would think that when you are teaching over 50 kids there is bound to be one that you just cannot stand, but there really isn't. We have a couple rowdy ones, but that comes and goes with the day. Overall, these are the best kids you could ask for. They copy your every word and your every move. I get so excited to hear their little voices calling out "teacher Courtney" or "I need help." Even them just saying their own names is the cutest thing in the world. Danson has the most adorable voice and he always loves to point to himself and say his name over and over and over again..."Danson, Danson!" I strongly believe I will name a future child after this kid. Well, once again, this is getting pretty long, so I'll leave off here. I wish I could share the details...there are soo many that I have to leave out, and it scares me to know that I will probably forget them, but life will go on. I'm just going to live it up and try to remember as much as possible.

 

Strange Things Are Happening To Me Ain't No Doubt About It

I woke up last night and realized that I have a three day weekend this coming Friday, and so, on a rare whim, I figured that I should use it to head back to America to visit my family and see some friends. The flight is pretty long - nearly thirteen hours, and so most of you are probably wondering why I would even consider blowing such a short weekend on a trip home when I would only actually be able to be there for something like 40 hours or so, but all I have to say is those kind of details don't usually matter when it comes to the subconscious; logic is set aside and the only thing that matters is the end rather than the means. For me, in my 5th recurring dream of this sort, the end happens to be some good old American food. Initially, one might think that if I were in want of food, then I would naturally find myself at restaurant scarfing down meal after meal or maybe at a super market about to purchase half of the candy section, a third or so of the deli, and one hundred percent of the bakery, but no. Why go to the super market when everything you need is shelved nicely downstairs in your parents basement? I am only slightly ashamed to admit that of all of the things that I miss: my family, my roommates, my social life, BYU basketball games, even an English class or two, food seems to have topped the list. It's not that China doesn't have good food - it's great - even fantastic, but there's something that just gets you in the gut when you're craving an old staple that was once so readily available to you and is now out of reach. For me, it started with bread (the largest staple of all my staple foods), but since then it has moved on to milk, cheese, cereal, waffles, easy mac, applesauce, tortilla chips, salsa etc etc. After I curbed most of those bingey desires I realized something was seriously wrong because rather than coveting Chipotle, Cafe Rio, Sonic, or Papa John's, my tastes had moved on to something a little more basic - just the regular old stuff in the food storage - mustard, brownie mix,  flour, powdered sugar, vanilla, almond extract, chocolate chips, raisins. I wasn't just wanting to eat something good. I wanted to make something good too. Thus begins the dreams of food storage scavenging. In the most recent dream, I spent the largest portion of the time trying to determine the most efficient way to pack as much powdered sugar and flour into one carry-on as possible. In the end, I found a suitable solution, and took the Sunday morning flight back to China; however, upon arrival and subsequent awakening I realized that all my efforts were in vain. Alas, I am still here in my small apartment without access to the necessary ingredients to make a decent batch of cookie dough. Life is tough. I know.
     I think the dreams may have been triggered by some sort of missionary-like state of disconnected homesickness. See, my computer has been broken  and therefore I haven't had much contact with the old life recently. In conjunction with a sporadic burst of package receiving by my six comrades, I believe I may have been sent into a mini food depression. One friend received a large box of snickers and protein bars; another got a bunch of gum and water flavor packets, and last but definitely the most enviable, the guy upstairs had his parents send him a full box of Baby Bell cheese. Jealousy set in. Thankfully, my dear buddy Sparky has been aiding me in my recovery and helped me fix my computer, so at least that is back to normal. As far as the food goes, I'm working on that too. Today I had the second best tuna sandwich I've ever eaten, and tomorrow I head to Shanghai where I plan to eat my weight in dearly missed foods. Maybe if I'm lucky I'll be able to find some powdered sugar there!
     Beyond the food, life has been wonderful as usual. This Tuesday/Wednesday we celebrated the national holiday "Womens' Day" by watching Three Idiots - a strangely roller coaster Indian film that is nearly three hours long. The rest of the time has pretty much been spent making bulletin board decorations for the school. My theme is Cowboys and Indians, but so far I think I've done more to offend than to educate. First I got in trouble for the toothpicks sticking out of my desert cactus, and then I was informed that the principle wasn't too keen on my fully armed Cowboy. Sadly, we had to chop off his guns and make them into pretty pathetic excuses for fists holding a lasso; now Heath McGreggor will never have a chance at beating Mochimo - at least he was able to keep his bow and arrow. I suppose it's all for the best. I'm just hoping they don't make me scrap the cow skull I put up today too. Eh, maybe I should be kicked off the decorating team. :)
   I hope all is well at home. Sweet dreams of yummy things.
 -Courtney

Is It March Already?

Time flies when you're having fun, and even when you're not. So, as far as China is concerned, as long as you're not freezing (which I'm not because it's 75 degrees) or in a hospital (which I'm not because I am finally past my sickness) or your computer is not broken (which it is, but at least I still have limited access to the internet) then time here is faster than anywhere else I have ever been. As I reflected on today's date, I determined that the fore mentioned reasoning is the best explanation I can offer for why it is already March 1st. This morning i could not believe that two months were already almost up. One short trip to shanghai, a small vacation in Beijing, followed by a weekend getaway in Hainan, and I'm practically already home, but let's not think about that just yet.
On a happier note, China is wonderful still. Teaching has been phenomenal, and I LOVE these children. Whether I have the babies or the little geniuses upstairs, I really love every moment with these kids. I know people warned me about the struggles I would have, but if you discount a few setbacks due to illness then I would say that my time here has been virtually flawless. The children are just so supportive and loving; they bring out such light in the people around them, and they cannot help but bring a smile to your face. Last Friday Chris Crowder, my friend from high school, decided to come visit me and he got to experience first hand what it is like being influenced by these children. He's been living up in Shanghai for the past year and a half or so going to school with an international program with Pepperdine, but on a whim we decided that he should visit. In High school we had joked about the idea since we'd known that we'd be in China at the same time, but I never thought I'd see the day it would come to fruition. Anyway, he arrived Thursday night and we were able to go out to dinner with a couple neither of us had met before- Kaka and Doris. They were so nice and so generous. At first it felt so awkward knowing that neither chris nor i knew either of them but thats China for you. There are just a lot of times when you have "friend of a friend" type favors done for you and this was one of those occasions. Apparently, Kaka's older brother lives up in Shanghai, and he had the opportunity to get to know Chris' mother who had once invited him over for dinner. When he found out that Chris was visiting Zhongshan he immediately offered Kaka's services. Like I said, Initially, the very loose connection by which we were aquatinted made me feel pretty uncomfortable, but they were so hospitable, and so generous; they even paid for our meal. I have been so lucky to have met the many people I have come across here. I really love how open they are and how giving they are without even giving it a second thought. It turns out it gets even better because ironically, in a city of two million, Doris and Kaka happen to be my neighbors :) They are right down the street. Anyway, we plan on hanging out a bunch even now that Chris has gone home.
On Friday, Chris was permitted to come watch me teach and it was awesome to see how much the kids took to him. At school there are very few guys around - only four that I can think of off of the top of my head: our guard, two of the cooks, and our mechanic/driver. Having a guy in the actual classrooom was different for sure, but the kids seemed to love it, and Chris was able to get kids that don't usually talk much to open up. I was able to see another side of a lot of my boys. They are certainly more rowdy around male role models, so in that regard I guess I'm glad Chris can't visit everyday :).
Saturday and Sunday we went up to Guangzhou to shop/go to church, and it was awesome having Chris there. After a while you really start to need a break from the same six girls you are with 100% of the time, and he was a wonderful breath of fresh air. On Saturday once we were done shopping we went to the arcade and saw this amazing old guy own the basketball game thing. Seriously, it was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen. Anyway, after that we went and played a bunch of Chinese games, and they are way more fun than American ones. Our favorite was one where you throw balls at the screen to accomplish different tasks like breaking beer bottles, cleaning dinosaurs teeth, throwing books at sleeping children, stopping the freaky girl who comes out of the well in the ring, or killing mosquitos etc etc. We played far more than our fair share and I think by the time 2 hours was up we had made quite a few enemies, but I think it was worth it. After the arcade we hit up Pizza Hut for some classic American food, and boy was that a surprise. In China, Pizza Hut is literally a formal restraunt where, on top of pizza, they also serve fillet mignon and other gourmet dishes. It was definitely the first time I felt under dressed for a pizza dinner, so we took it back to his hotel room. I wish I could eat pizza that tasted that good every day- it exceeded expectations on all accounts mmm. I can't wait for next week when I go to Shanghai, because Chris told me there is a place by that sells Cincinnati chili too!!!
The weekend ended up being amazing as a whole although I'm sorry to say that I still didn't get to go to church because the one week we were in Gunagzhou they moved it to Shenzhen. It was a major bummer. Well, I wish I had pictures to share with you all, but like I said my computers broken so you'll just have to use your imagination for a few weeks. Love you all!!!